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A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce | 
 enlarge | Author: Alec Baldwin
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Category: Book
List Price: $24.95
Buy New: $11.14
You Save: $13.81 (55%)
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Avg. Customer Rating:  29 reviews
Sales Rank: 9563
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 9.2 x 5.8 x 1
ISBN: 0312363362
Dewey Decimal Number: 792.028092
EAN: 9780312363369
Publication Date: September 23, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
“I have been through some of the worst of contentious divorce litigation,” Alec Baldwin declares in A Promise to Ourselves. Using a very personal approach, he offers practical guidance to help others avoid the anguish he has endured.
An Academy and Tony Award nominee and a 2007 recipient of Golden Globe, SAG, and Television Critics Association Awards for best actor in a comedy, Alec Baldwin is one of the best-known, most successful actors in the world. His relationship with Kim Basinger, the Academy Award–winning actress, lasted nearly a decade. They have a daughter named Ireland, and for a time, theirs seemed to be the model of a successful Hollywood marriage. But in 2000 they separated and in 2002 divorced. Their split---specifically the custody battle surrounding Ireland---would be the subject of media attention for years to come.
In his own life and others’, Baldwin has seen the heavy toll that divorce can take---psychologically, emotionally, and financially. He has been extensively involved in divorce litigation, and he has witnessed the way that noncustodial parents, especially fathers, are often forced to abandon hopes of equitable rights when it comes to their children. He makes a powerful case for reexamining and changing the way divorce and child custody is decided in this country and levels a scathing attack at what he calls the “family law industry.”
When it comes to his experiences with judges, court-appointed therapists, and lawyers, Baldwin pulls no punches. He casts a light on his own divorce and the way the current family law system affected him, his ex-wife, and his daughter, as well as many other families. This is an important, informative, and deeply felt book on a contentious subject that offers hope of finding a better way.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 24 more reviews...
 A Lot of Truth in This Book September 23, 2008
37 out of 42 found this review helpful
So, you need to put aside all of your opinions shaped by the distorted Hollywood media and tabloid coverage behind how Mr. Baldwin was said to have acted during his painful divorce. Instead, you have to focus on the topic of this book; how corrupt and downright evil the whole divorce industry is, and the effects of all of that on the relationship between a dad and child. The stuff that can occur when, especially, a narcissistic or borderline spouse decides to hire a sleazy attorney is nothing short of pure evil. And, it goes beyond lawyers, to a whole bunch of vultures who make their living of pushing couples into a long, sustained, expensive divorce. Its all in this revealing and brutally honest book.
I was forced through a lawyer-driven divorce, and witnessed first-hand how the system works. Only by fighting back and working hard to find honest professionals to help was I able to maintain a strong healthy relationship with my child. The divorce industry is madness. After the "procedures" were finished I was eager to put it all behind me, so I commend Mr. Baldwin for opening his heart, writing this book, sharing his experiences, and working to find ways to help end the corruption. Highly recommended.
Another great book "Divorce Poison" describes ways to identify parental alienation, and how to defeat it. Highly recommended if you think your soon-to-be-ex or ex is doing things to damage your relationship with your child.
Shows the California courts in a true light September 23, 2008
28 out of 32 found this review helpful
Speaking from experience and as a woman, Mr. Baldwin is right when he relates to the CA courts as a woman's court. Fathers are treated as second class citizens and then mothers and children complain when the father's no longer stay in contact. Trust me, at some point you just want to ask the judge, "How much to not see the kid at all?" Wealth or not Alec Baldwin has got this one right.
The previous reviewer needs to READ THE BOOK instead of watching interviews and judging Mr. Baldwin's political beliefs. I doubt if he understands the California Family Court system all the way from Sweden.
Brave Story October 5, 2008
17 out of 20 found this review helpful
And it's not easy to speak of these matters in contemporary America, but Baldwin's line about being pulled into the American family law system is akin to being tied to a truck and then dragged down a gravel road late is excellent. As he put it, no one can hear your cries, and it is not over until they say it is. I'm sorry that Mr. Baldwin had to go through what he did but hope that this memoir/analytical work sways minds and adds to the preponderance of the evidence concerning the lack of justice men now find in our courts of law. Protecting women is fine but the juridical operationalization of this notion has resulted in the persecution of the opposite sex. People need to be aware about what's going on so I'm appreciative that Baldwin is using his fame for the worthy and noble purpose of generating awareness. The great thing about this book is that the author does more than tell his own story. He includes the narratives of several men who experienced the same horrors he did. In conclusion, I'm very grateful Mr. Baldwin has graced us with this publication.
The bitter fruits of our corrupt LAISSEZ-PERJURY justice system September 23, 2008
15 out of 18 found this review helpful
Alec Baldwin has written a great book that reveals the human side of divorce in a family court justice system that routinely condones and accomodates deceit, evidence withholding, and material misrepresentation - commonly known as PERJURY. Throughout civil, criminal, family, and probate courts in every county and state of the United States, the prosecution of perjury arising from witness testimony in any court DOES NOT HAPPEN!!! Check it out yourself: search for perjury prosecutions on county prosecutor bragsites or call and ask for perjury prosecution statistics. The information is not available because it would prove the REALITY of LAISSEZ-PERJURY.
What's even more surprising is that it is impossible (it has been intentionally designed that way) to even make an allegation to the county prosecutor's office of FELONY PERJURY. Call'em and try to find out how to. You will go nowhere. It is time that we acknowledge that the dirty little secret of the US justice system is its rampant, regular, and routine winking at PERJURY.
We have a LAISSEZ-PERJURY (in) justice system and consequently the false, intentionally incomplete, and misleading testimony in-court works to polarize and radicalize the proceedings and litigants. If both parties LIE, then it is a LYING CONTEST; if only one does, then the LIAR wins big.
And it is not only the LIAR that wins - but the attorneys, judges, and all of the other divorce parasites who then bill extra hours and/or plead for more tax dollars to support larger staffs of parasites. The county prosecutor/lawyer fails to prosecute PERJURY because it means big bucks for attorneys and allows judges the (false) facts to justify their arbitrary and one-sided decisions. And guess what profession typically makes the biggest campaign contributions to most office-bound county prosecutors? Of course, attorneys and lawyers.
It is quite easy to prove the reality of LAISSEZ-PERJURY - just try and get a judge, a prosecutor, or an attorney to talk about PERJURY prosecution arising from witness testimony. Just call their speaker's bureaus and invite one to your next civic group meeting. LAISSEZ-PERJURY is POLITICAL KRYPTONITE.
Alec Baldwin's book tells the very human story of the costs and great pain that arises from our LAISSEZ-PERJURY IN-JUSTICE SYSTEM. And it is time that the media and politicians begin to talk about its reality.
Be Positive. Lies enslave; the truth sets free.
Not a loving divorce October 10, 2008
8 out of 9 found this review helpful
I couldn't put the book down! It's well written and reads like a novel page turner, filled with suspense, intensity of emotions, and drama.
Having just completed a divorce myself as a mother of two where I kept not only the welfare of my girls' future emotional and psychological well-being primary, I also considered with utmost care the feelings of their father that I could no longer stay married to. So this meant that we took our time with mediation, we personally served our papers to one another, and shared in 50/50 joint custody. We agreed to all this and more not only for our children but for our own individual futures. This has kept our family emotionally whole and now a year later are thriving as a new kind of family! Unfortunately, as just one example in the book, this was not the same for Kim Basinger who had Alec Baldwin served with their Separation Papers, which is more a punch to the gut than most women (and men when reversed) realize. How can anyone respond without retaliation, swords drawn and ready for battle? And then, of course, how can one not eventually lose control of one's anger when legal minefields release destruction and anguish at every step along the way. Sure Alec was wrong to hurl such words and accusations at his daughter on the phone, but I can see the path to that call more clearly now. So sad. Oh yes, and BTW, "leaking" that call to the public had to have been horribly painful for their daughter--and all for what? To show Alec as a bad man? Surely there was no consideration whatsoever for the child!
And then the climax of using and abusing the legal system to inflict the parental alienation tactics I think is reprehensible. Unless the target parent is abusive in some way or involved in drugs or crime, I can't think of any justifiable reason to inflict such pain on both the parent and child! To me then what this book represents is more than a legal system where fathers' rights take back seat, and quite obviously that's painfully true, it represents more a world where many mothers (and fathers too) fail to fully comprehend the possible permanent damage they do to their children through their intentional or unintentional Parental Alienation (Syndrome). Sure it's painful and frightening facing a future alone, but our children are NOT our emotional keepers and it's up to us to teach them resilience, strength, and compassion, not manipulation and hate. In the meantime though, I advocate changes to our legal system where children aren't abused in this way!
And so I wonder why we've become so self-absorbed or damaged to not see the obvious manipulations of the divorce legal system that helps to escalate these types of damaging scenarios. I could see it when I visited my first referred barracuda divorce attorney. It was then and there that I decided that a loving divorce was the only ethical and moral journey for all of us. Thank God!
And so we did it and not only is it possible (through hard work), it should be a new norm. I wish Alec and Kim could have enjoyed a loving divorce by doing what became some of our strict tenets which were all based upon the foundations of compassion and empathy: 1) Shun at all cost the temptation to litigate, unless there's no other option, through mediation! 2) Share equal custody with your ex-spouse, keeping ALL parent-child relationships intact, exceptions noted above. 3)And speak kindly of and civilly toward your ex-spouse to your children and others (even if you feel completely the opposite). Otherwise, we're all destined to break not only our promises to ourselves but everyone else in our lives and society. Our country may be falling apart financially because of greed, but let us at least cling to some sort of societal decency where our families aren't destined to a similar demise.
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